kissing drafts

you were my first kiss.

my basement-closet-kiss that put a dangerous hue on 13 years old.

I couldn't tell you the color of your eyes

but you were first.

a forgettable kiss.

a lies-to-my-mother kiss.

you were my second kiss.

my five-past-curfew kiss,

who left nothing but a bitter aftertaste from all our months of dry love.

and you were my third kiss,

the summer betrayal that we pieced together out of secrets.

you were a sunday night dare

and a monday morning replay.

you were my fourth kiss.

my devil-in-the-details kiss.

the one that set the snow on fire 

and my hands on fire

and my heart on fire,

locking pinkies to make sure these kisses didn't matter.

you were my just-friends kiss who didn't know that the temperature of my blood

could burn things down so fast.

you were my fifth kiss

and I forgot about you in the parking lot.

and my sixth kiss.

just another betrayal that caught fire at 4am 

and was dead before the world woke up.

you were my seventh kiss

and you don't matter.

but my eighth kiss, 

a four-years-in-the-making kiss 

that I deserved to lose to him

after all he'd lost to me.

you were my ninth kiss

but sometimes I forget our lips ever knew each other.

and my tenth kiss,

who paid for me to walk out of senior year with 

too many inside jokes and Valentine's cards,

so I owe you $20 for your trouble.

you were my eleventh kiss,

my liar-on-the-doorstep

a heartbreak that didn't last the night.

you hid when I woke up,

but I found you after your lips died down.

and you,

you were my twelfth kiss.

my too-soon kiss.

the kiss I exchanged a friend for

that keeps tasting sweeter every time it finds a way on our cheeks and our hands.

you set fire to the list above and kissed me with your eyes.

my twelfth kiss.

my hallway-goodbye kiss.

my feet-overhanging-the-cliff kiss.

you are reckless freeway kisses,

and I-like-your-hair kisses

and morning tent kisses.

you are august revival kisses,

and healed lips

and I'm twelve kisses too late,

but here you are.