words for him

It's 12:13AM and I don't know how to speak anymore.

I make my wishes at 11:12 because the rush has died down and maybe God can hear me a little better.
 And I know God doesn't just stop listening after 11:11.

How did we get here?
On the fine line between the atmosphere and New York City, 
our toes nudging rocks out over a dark cliff that looks dangerous 
but pushes adrenaline into every artery.

Our hands are linked without even oxygen to flow between them
but it doesn't feel like suffocating.


I remember that night in the tan seats, under a February sky 
that tasted like summer and smelled like Mexican food 
and I was the only girl in a room of senior boys and football jackets 
and I heard your craving for adventures from under the fluorescent lights, 
but I kept singing in my head that I wasn't allowed to give you any.

The next day you stretched across the Trax seats with a camera and clear eyes
so I breathed Drake and John Mayer and took a seat as close to your hand as I could.

You say I slipped you the key to your subconscious, but I only told you where to find it.
The color of the stars did the rest.


We talk about him and her so we don't overuse the term 'I' because it's never about 'I' when it's you.

Me: "Do you want me to be the boss?"
You: "I just want you to pick the next movie."

We talked about Amsterdam, singing about New York, and who made the sculptures in Rome? What's the copyright on those things?

You see all the things I don't, scribbling words in my right ear,
filling dark holes with whispers about the world.
I have a maze streaming through my brain 
and you're the only one who knows the route like it was yours all along.

And arms fit perfectly around bodies 
and fingers are fingers so they can lock together.


Everything was defined by affection until I met you.
Hands don't just feel good, they mean well. 
Someday you'll say whatever kisses can't,
but for now, warm lips and dark lashes aren't feel-goods
They're the swirling nightmares that keep turning into dreams.

Today I asked you if people in Iraq fall in love.
You said yes but you made me cry because I loved love and you didn't know that, did you?

You'll never run out of mysteries for me,
So take off your Nikes and let's pull pen and paper from an art closet,
and coat it with all the things we pinky-swore on, so you can show me what laugh lines are,
so Time can drink up all the stars God dropped on us when it says so.


You're going to die when you leave,
and you're going to kill me when you do.

But God didn't show us the stars for nothing.

You once said I miss you is the easiest thing to say,
but it gets harder every time because I can't find better words 
to make you realize how much I mean it.

I asked you if animals fall in love and you told me about mama bears and cubs.
And then you said the stars come out at 8:36pm and I didn't look but I believe you.
I'm listening to Fix You by Coldplay but only because it came after Swallowed in the Sea.
You say stars are granted wishes and God hangs them by night.

And when our fingers lace together, the world makes sense and I don't want that to change, either.


24 comments:

  1. We talk about him and her so we don't overuse the term 'I' because it's never about 'I' when it's you.


    THIS WHOLE POST AND AHHHH

    I love it. I love love love love it.
    Kbye.

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  2. I feel like I'm really repetitive telling you how good you are at writing on pretty much every post, but I don't think I'll even stop loving your blog.

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    Replies
    1. And by even I meant ever. The beauty of your words fried my brain.

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    2. Every time you comment I get excited so really, thank you

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    3. I feel the same about your comments. We should probably be friends. We could take over the world through poetry.

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  3. Y.E.S. ( just so you know, I visit your blog so often on my phone, that my phone started leaving me notifications when you post. Lol.)

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    Replies
    1. I hope you know I don't seriously use "lol"...

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    2. I'm not a serious person, so I understand.
      Lol.

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  4. Everything was defined by affection until I met you

    Speechless. I can't stop reading this and it only gets better the more I read.

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  5. I feel like I'm in on a delicious secret reading this. Too many favorite lines to quote. You've made my top 5 Jackie O.

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  6. I kept highlighting things I wanted to steal in my journal. But I would read the next line and want to steal that as well. I guess that means I should print the whole thing out and tape it in my journal thats how much I loved this post. This is easily in my top 5. Don't ever stop writing. ever.

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  7. "You say I slipped you the key to your subconscious, but I only told you where to find it.
    The color of the stars did the rest."
    Yes, Jackie. YES!

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  8. crying.

    Me: "Do you want me to be the boss?"
    You: "I just want you to pick the next movie."

    I don't know why this is my favorite line.

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  9. " You once said I miss you is the easiest thing to say,
    but it gets harder every time because I can't find better words
    to make you realize how much I mean it."
    I'm literally crying. This was just so beautiful. The whole thing. All of it.
    Too much for me to handle. Good work.

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  10. This is maybe something that I could read forever.
    You might be my favorite.

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  11. I'm not even in this class anymore but I just want you to know I always read your posts.

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  12. the very first line just had me hooked.

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  13. "i make my wishes at 11:12 because the rush has died down and maybe God can hear me a little better." everything about this poem is perfect

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  14. this is beautiful. simply beautiful.

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