to the next.

Don't be mad at me for writing this.

I got sick of lonely after I found the difference between 'finding yourself' and 'forgetting everyone else' on a 3-person drive down a canyon last night.

I'm writing this for myself.

My selfish, overpriced, dramatic, sassy self.

And I'm writing this to him.

Whoever he is.

If you're reading this, you didn't shove my love letters under the bed
and you didn't forget to kiss me goodnight
and you remembered why that song was my favorite.
You got mad at me once but handed forgiveness back the same way I handed it to you without asking.

If you're reading this, you spelled your feelings into my right hand

and I've been walking through a tunnel all these years until now
and I might not say it enough,

but thank you for killing the empty hours and making me feel okay.

She told me to find someone full of life.

And if you're reading this, you're full of whatever keeps the blood warm and the heartbeats in motion

and you should know that I'm not sorry when I cry
and I'm not sorry when I don't.

If you're reading this, you know how to spell my middle name

You love the way my laugh lines circle my eyelids

and you never promised me a perfect life

because I'm the farthest thing there is from it.

But you love that and you tell me why Chicago is your favorite city

you have a list of reasons why cabins are better than beach houses and vice versa,

you believe in late-night playlists and canyon drives

and you promised me an opinion on everything that I love your opinions,
even if I don't.

To the next boy that steals my heart but is incapable of stealing my thunder,

you may not love the attitude but you love me.

And I may have one less problem without you

but I have 10,000 less solutions too

and it doesn't balance.

You may not love how tears, but they're lighter than a burden
and taste better than dessert before dinner

and you promised to keep the lights on until I fell asleep.

To the next,

Please let me control the music, at least once a week.

Don't leave without finishing your sentences
and remember I'm a girl who's never had a biting problem so stop being afraid of what I'll say next.

Hold me by the shoulders

make sure my hands are warm because the doctors can't do anything about it

but you can.

Don't breathe so heavy when I forget where my sentence started

and if you need to figure yourself out,

figure it out before 11:12pm because I'm the only person who makes my wishes then.

I always have been.

I'm not a tetherball and this is not a game.

I'm only happy sometimes but that's flexible.

And I need you right now, but you're on a list of Later, and
nobody pays attention to the teenagers holding hands.

If you don't fight for me,

you're going to lose the battle.

And I may have philophobia
but you have the vaccine and I'm only asking you to take care of it.