You, pt 2

this is about you.

and I've been asleep all these years 

until I met you.

You with your whispers up against the edge of my ears and the eyelashes that get longer every day. I'm sorry my heart hit the ground harder than yours did, and you set your stool at the edge of the abyss to watch it shatter and walked away.

It's okay that you walked away.

This is you watching me hurt.

It sounds dangerous because it is.

You you you you you you you pulled me from the edge of my bed and you turned off the fire alarm with calloused hands and left your scent on every paper I took my pen to.

I'm still awake, I promise, but it's raining in Maryland and my window shouldn't be this dark on this type of day and you're going to get over me in the next 24 hours 

which is how long it's been since I've eaten anything.

And our time was cut short as if it wasn't rare and fragile to begin with.

and you whispered something about later

so until you tell me I'm wrong, my heart is still on the edge of the clock that wasn't in our favor.

I'm still in that half-dream, facedown with flowers coming through my doorstep and I don't know when you're going to walk through it ever again and I'm choking on the thought because 

you showed me the sun.

And you will always make sense to me.

And now your head is still in the room where I'm falling asleep again.

But I don't want you to let me dream. I don't want you to shut the curtains and lock the door behind you. Don't take the scent off the pillow and please don't leave me here like the last time you cried in a locked car at 3:49pm.

You promised you wouldn't.

I still want to see the sun.

And it may be raining but you showed me the sun.

Please don't forget how much I love the sun.