when stars align, etc.

I stayed awake until 3AM last night.

Promising myself to see the stars when they weren't silent. 

When all the nocturnal eyes found their way to computer screens or the television or closed off the world and dreamt.  

I promised me to watch the stars, alone, entirely.

The grass pulled beads of water from their sockets
but I walked on them.

(I apologized but I've cried, too)

The wind got lost under black skies and left me alone on that acre.

So I clung to cold air and the stars that were supposed to feel like summer.

But isn't summer dangerous and dry? 

Warm skin and hands that don't know how to be alone. 

When campfire cologne is burned into skin and the sound of windows cracking is like a beat

and you catch flowers and basketball courts,

hitting volleyballs at people who make your summer smell wicked 

and taste delicious.

And under ten-foot fires with a sky dotted with paint,

I was alone on the dew that was relearning to grow,

and my spirit was hungry.

I said, "Lord, why'd you make me sound so good on paper? 

I'm not a wicked girl but everyone reads and rereads me 

and nobody's willing to sign that paper. 

Lord, is someone gonna sign it?"

He laughed and dropped 10 stars into my hair,
stroking them through curls and at one point whispering how beautiful they were
but never letting me believe it.  

God laughs at 18 year olds who forget themselves. 

Then He drops stars on their heads to make them remember.

I stayed awake until 3AM last night, alone on the grass under stars that kept falling into my skull, alone with God. 

"Does anybody care about me, God?"

"Yes. I do."

Then let the stars fall where they may.