somewhere between different & love

I wish my brain was a sense.
I wish my brain were a sense in that it took things bluntly.
My senses don't mess with me.
I smell wood in wood.
I smell the fire of the fire.
The citrus aroma doesn't lead me to a fire.
The smell of grass doesn't lead me to a cave, 
And for this, I wish my brain was a sense.
I wish when they told me to "get over it", to "stop",
I wish I only heard "get over it". And "stop".

But the smell of wood isn't wood.
It's trees. Forest. It's a pile about to become fire.
The same way the smell of grass is not grass.
It's a field of athletic socks and missed goals.
It's a gully on a mountain, surrounded by plants that nobody planted.

So it is with my brain.
I wish it knew "yes" and "no" better than "maybe" and "why"
A database with a control panel.
Without the added anxiety and the "if" factor.
I wish I could give you an answer in 4 seconds.

But, I'm going to take my time and feel bad for it.
Let me think. Analyze.

Let me fall in love with an idea.
Let me hate myself for loving it.

Maybe I don't want my brain to be a sense.
My senses don't fall in love with things.
My brain does.
I don't want it to be a database of dry-eyed conversation.
I want it to be a mess of wires.
A computer that never gets cleared.
That still processes,
Still hurts.
Still falls in love with everything.